grandma ask his daughter

The Pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor’s expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, “Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”

Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
The entire congregation said, “Amen.”
--One For Each of My Brothers--
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walked into a bar and ordered three mugs of Bud.
He sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.

The bartender approached and told the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replied, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admitted that this was a nice custom, and left it there.

The cowboy became a regular in the bar, and always drank the same way. He ordered three mugs and drank them in turn.
One day, he came in and only ordered two mugs. All the regulars took notice and fell silent.
When he came back to the bar for the second round, the bartender said, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looked quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawned in his eyes and he laughed.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explained. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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our sisters

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.

As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.

The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”

She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.

“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.

Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.

“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”

“You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.

“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.

“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.

“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.

“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.

“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”

“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”
--little Johnny father--
For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Joe told him: “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!”

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sweet daughter

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters,

decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.

He went to his wife and said, “I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.

When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded,
“Have you been fooling around on me?”
His wife confessed, “Not this time.”
--There is a girl walking up the stairs--
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day.
As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any shorts.
He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some inner wear as it is not good to walk around here like this.
The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy inner wear for her When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her inner wear, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs.

The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly.

The priest then gives the lady $1 and says,

“Take this money and for God’s Sake, buy yourself a razor.

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