Grandma funnies

AN OLD MAN WAS SELLING WATERMELONS. HIS PRICELIST READS : 1 FOR $3 AND 3 FOR 10$. A YOUNG MAN STOPS BY AND ASKED FOR ONE WATERMELON. “THAT WOULD BE 3 DOLLARS FOR ONE”, SAYS THE OLD MAN. THE YOUNG MAN THEN BUYS ANOTHER ONE AND ANOTHER ONE, PAYING $3 FOR EACH WHEN THE YOUNG MAN WAS LEAVING, HE TURNED AROUND AND SAID, “HEY OLD MAN, DO YOU REALIZE I BOUGHT 3 WATERMELONS FOR JUST $9? MAYBE YOU ARE NOT THAT GOOD AT DOING BUSINESS”. THE OLD MAN SMILED AND SAID, “PEOPLE ARE FUNNY. EVERY TIME, THEY BUY 3 WATERMELONS INSTEAD OF 1 AND THEY TRY TO TEACH ME BUSINESS.” --AN OLD MAN WAS SELLING WATERMELONS-- An elderly Joe was a housekeeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss’s wine bottle and replacing it with water. The boss, Sam, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while.. But when this became a daily routine, Sam decided to do something to trap Joe. So he shouted: “Joe?” Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?” Sam: ...

The step-father who was more of a real parent than her biological father could ever hope to be wrote about his experience in a post on Reddit: ''My step-daughter will be getting married on August 3rd. The wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother’s life (I say her mother because we aren’t married, though we’ve lived together for 10 years) for the past six months. My step-daughter graduated last December from University. I paid for her to go to college, though it was a state school, it still ran $40K. She does not have a job and has been living with us for the duration of her college career and since her graduation. I also bought her a car to get back and forth from school when she finished high school. From time to time her deadbeat father would pop into her life and she would fawn all over him. Although he has not contributed a cent to her education or paid any child support, though that is my girlfriend’s fault as c.s. was not part of the settlement, she sti...

After she woke up, a woman told her husband “I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said with a smile. The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn’t wait for her husband to return home. That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled… “The Meaning of Dreams --The Sensitive Man -- A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and end up leaving together. When they get back to his place, he shows her around his very neat apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are 3 shelves in the bedroom, with 100's of teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall. It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount...

A little old lady tried to phone her local bank but was put through instead to the bank call centre. “Is that the High Street branch?” she asked. “No madam,” replied the voice at the other end. “It is now company policy to deal with telephone calls centrally.” “Well I really need to speak to the branch,” said the old lady. “Madam, if you just let me know your query, I’m sure I can help you.” “I don’t think you can, young man. I need to speak to the branch.” The call centre operator was adamant. “There’s nothing that the branch can help you with that can’t be dealt with by me.” “Very well then,” sighed the old lady. “Can you just check on the counter? Did I leave my gloves behind when I came in this morning?” --Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school-- She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. “Who is the creator of the universe?” Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. ...

there were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpa? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.” So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, “Will you please make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa again says, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that. I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.” Then the third little boy comes out and says, “Grandpa, oh please… Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?” “Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa asked. The little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!” --A middle aged couple decided to try one last time-- A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months lat...

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM. The old lady wanted to know why… The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”. The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down, and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow? “ The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile t...

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?” “Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -” His friend interrupts him. “A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?” “Oh,” says the man, “we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday.” --Family Visiting-- Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.  From under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. -Hi darling, he says, -Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. H...