The mule
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of their home. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly
to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.
To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable for the farmer and his
new bride. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman
would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would
shake his head and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, "the women would say, 'what a
terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say:
'Sorry, I can't do it...It's booked up for a year...'
--Let me explain--
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,
\- "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"
\- "I had tolio as a child," he answered.
\- "You mean polio?" she asked.
\- "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
\- "What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
\- "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
\- "You mean measles?" she asked.
\- "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
\- "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess…. Smallcox?"
