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Elsa, a 97 year old midwife, finally passed away after a long and happy life. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St.
Peter was standing there waiting for her.
He said, “Welcome, Elsa. Do you have a last wish before you enter paradise?”
“I do,” Elsa replied. “I would like to return to Earth for a few minutes and for once in my life witness a birth where the father is the one who has to endure the pain of having a baby.”
St. Peter thought this was a reasonable request, so Elsa was sent back to Earth for a short while.
She found herself standing in the home of a woman who was just having a baby. While giving birth, the mother seemed to be in no pain whatsoever.
The midwife was curious to see how her husband was doing, but was surprised to see him calmly sitting on a chair by an open window, smoking his pipe.
“How are you feeling? Aren’t you in pain?” the midwife asked him.
“Oh no, I’m feeling great,” the husband replied. “But I think we have to call for an ambulance. Our neighbor John is lying out there on the lawn screaming his head off!”
--Joke Of The Day: Bad Woman Her Daytime Affair--
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”.
“I can’t jump out the window, It’s raining out there!”.
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied.
“He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”.
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!.
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping for air.
“It feels so wonderfully free!”
Another runner moved alongside him.
“Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly.
“That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried,
“Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Nope……… just when it’s raining”.
