A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed, puffing and panting.
“What are you doing?” the man inquires. “Err,” she stammers back.
“I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!” “Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!”
He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialing 911, when his son Johnny appears, sobbing his little heart out. “What’s the matter, son?” asks the father.
“Uncle James is in the closet with no clothes on, Daddy,” replies his tearful toddler.
Enraged, the man runs back upstairs, flings open the wardrobe and finds his brother there absolutely , just as his son had said
“You , Jim,” screams the man.
“My wife is over there having a heart attack and you’re running around scaring Johnny!”
--My Teacher Wants to See You--
A young boy says to his father “Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you.”
“What happened?” The father asks.
“Well, she asked me, ‘how much is 7 * 9?’ I answered ’63’ , then she asked, ‘and 9 * 7?’
So I asked ‘what’s the bloody difference?’ “Indeed, what is the difference?” asks the father. ‘
‘Sure, I’ll go.” The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, “Dad, have you gone by the school?” “Not yet.”
“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.” “Why?” asks the father.
“Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it.
Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked, ‘What, am I suppose to stand on…. my pee??'” “Exactly,” says the father.
“Alright, I’ll come.” The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?” “No, not yet.”
“Don’t bother, I got expelled.” Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”
“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”
“What the bloody hell was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.
“That’s what I bloody said!”
