Granny's boyfriend
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.
The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
-- Good old Irish Granny....--
Solicitors should never ask a County Offaly granny a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial in Tullamore recently a small-town prosecuting solicitor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, 'Mrs.
Murphy, do you know me?' She responded, 'Yes, I do know you, Mr. Burke.
I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a big lad when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit pen pusher. Yes, I know you.'
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The solicitor was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know the defence lawyer?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Cummins since he was a youngster, too.
He's lazy, snobby, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire country. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defence lawyer nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the Mountjoy prison for ten years each.
