A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read this:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE …NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:
1) WON’T BEA'T ME UP
2) WON’T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, “Who are you? And what do you want?”
“Hi,” he said, “your search is over, for I’m the man of your dreams. I’ve got no arms so I can’t beat you up and no legs so I can’t run away.”
“Well, then,” she said, “what makes you think that you’re so great in bed?”
To which he replied – “Well, I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
--A wife arriving home from a shopping--
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.
Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
“Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.”
So he continued: “Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in refrigerator.
She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.
She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the color did not suit you.
Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.
Then when she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, “Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use any more?”
