Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age…”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…”We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
--A Lady Goes To The Bar--
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says.
“I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..”
The bartender says.
“Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says.
“I would like to buy you a drink too.”
The old woman says.
“Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”
“Coming up.” Says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says.
“I would like to buy you one too.”
The old woman says.
“Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”
“Coming right up.” The bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says.
“Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”
The old woman replies.
“Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor.
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.
