A boy is visiting his girlfriend’s home for the first time.
He’s looking for a drinking glass when he notices a row of cups in the cabinet, each of them inscribed with what seems like half words.
He picks one of them down just as girlfriend’s mom walks in, and he asks her what the cups are for.
“Oh those. They’re family cups, one for each member, but my eyesight has gotten so bad I can no longer tell which is which, so I wrote on them to help myself.”
She pulls one cup down that says “HIC-” holding it out to the man
“This is for little Thomas, it holds just enough water to help cure his hiccups, so I wrote HIC on it, it’s the HIC-cup!”
She then pulls down another cup “This is for Angela, but it says BREA.
whenever she’s heartbroken she likes to drink hot toddy
so this is her BREA-Cup.”
“Ahh, okay I see it now.” Says the boy “But doesn’t your husband have his own cup?”
“Oh he does” The mom replies “It’s the large one that says ‘SHUTTHEFU’ on it…”
--Can you lend 70 euros!--
An Irish couple are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll try being a hpoker:
She’s not quite sure what to do, so the husband says.
“Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him you charge a hundred euros. Any questions and I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She stands outside the bar for about five minutes showing her leg when a guy pulls up and asks.
“How much?”
She says. “A hundred euros.”
He replies. “All I got is thirty.”
She says. “Hold on.”
She runs back to the husband and asks.
“What now. What can he get for thirty?”
“A hand job” The husband replied.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty euros is a handjob.
He agrees and she gets in the car.
He unzips his trousers and out pops this HUGE willy.
She stares at it for a few seconds, then says…
“I’ll be right back.”
She runs back to the husband.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
“Any chance you could lend this guy seventy euros?”
