A couple were celebrating 50 years together.
Their three kids, all grown and very successful, agreed to attend a Sunday dinner in their honor.
“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number One. “Sorry I’m running late.
I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”
“Not to worry,” said the father.
“The important thing is that we’re all together today.”
Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”
“It’s nothing,” said the father.
“We’re glad you were able to come.”
Just then the daughter arrived.
“Hello and happy Anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”
After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.
You see, we were very poor, but despite this, we were able to save and send each of you to college.
Also, we want to tell you that throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”
The three children gasped and the daughter said, “You mean we’re bastards?!?”
--Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment--
Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable
and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different
states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To
keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum
and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did
so, he explained: “This glass is Timothy’s; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each –
one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself.” Suddenly one evening Tom was seen
with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, “You
see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put
away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.”
