A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, “Oh, you look about 29.”
“I am actually 47!” she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman’s age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age.”
There was no one around, so the woman said
“What the hell?” and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, “OK, You are 47.”
Stunned, the woman said, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old man replied, “I was behind you in line at McDonalds.”
--A chicken farmer went to local bar--
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says,
“How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! “
“What a coincidence,” he said,
“This is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me, too, and I’m also celebrating!” says the woman.
“What a coincidence,” says the man.
As they clinked glasses he asked,
“What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!”
“What a coincidence,” says the man.
“I’m a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally laying fertilized eggs.”
“That’s great!” says the woman,
“How did your chickens become fertile?”
“I switched cocks,” he replied.
She smiled and said, “What a coincidence!”
