Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.
Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.
One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,
“You know what I miss most of all ?”
*What ?” asks Juanita.
“SEX !!!” says Don Carlos.
Juanita laughed and exclaimed,
“You horny old man, but you couldn’t get it up even if they pointed a gun at your head!”
“I know*, he said, “but I would love for a woman to hold it for me, if only for a while.’
“Well, I can help you with that,” said Juanita; and she unzips his zipper, gently takes out his little member and holds it in her hand.
Don Carlos’ face was one of sheer pleasure !
They agree to meet secretly in the garden every night, where they would sit and chat, and Juanita would hold his member during that time.
One night, however, Don Carlos did not appear at their garden hideout at the agreed time.
Alarmed, Juanita began looking all over for him to make sure he was okay.
She ended up finding him sitting on the edge of the swimming pool, next to
She ended up finding him sitting on the edge of the swimming pool, next to Catalina, a 85 year old woman, who was holding his member.
Absolutely furious, Juanita screamed at him.
“YOU TRAITOR, BASTARD, SON OF A BITCH !!!
WHAT DOES THAT CATALINA HAVE THAT I DON’T HAVE ???”
Don Carlos, with all the pleasure on his face, replied,
“PARKINSONS !!!”
--Wetherspoons Restaurant--
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the restaurant had no steps and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because they had never been there before.
wo Men Take A Short Cut Through The Cemetery Late At Night
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath
“You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbles. “They misspelled my name!”
