One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blowhard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
The mother said,
“That’s wonderful. Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?!”
The father replies, “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!”
--A Newly Married Couple Are In Bed--
A newly married couple are in bed when the man asks his wife how many men she has slept with After the question, the woman doesn’t respond.
The man asks again “Just tell me, it’s fine. How many men have you slept with?”
His wife, still in total silence, just stares at the ceiling.
The man says “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought we could trust each other…”
Still silence from his wife
The man, giving up, says “It’s OK. Please don’t be upset.”
Since the woman is still silent, the man starts hugging and kissing her, showing his affection.
While he is doing this, his wife seems to come to her senses, stops looking at the ceiling, looks at him, and upset, tells her husband,
“Damn it! You made me lose count!”
