Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said,
“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s''e''x, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”
So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”
“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling — I’ll see you in two hours!”
--A lawyer married a woman--
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services.
He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a
new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him!But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer.
This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”
