joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45.
He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."
What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned.
"Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."
--Ma And Pa Were Living Out On A Farm--
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause he’s a college gradjyate.”
Ma says,
So Pa drives down to the neighbour’s house and asks him,
Ma says,
“Mr College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
Ma says,
The young’n tells him,
“Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time.
The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”
Pa thanks the neighbour, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.
He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm.
Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse throw open the door and asks,
“Ma, are you all right?”
As she pulls up her panties she says,
“Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”
