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“Hello!”
“Hey honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”
“No daddy, she’s upstairs jn the bedroom with uncle Jake.”
“But you don’t have an uncle Jake, sweetie…”
“Uh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now.”
“Ok honey, I need you to go near the bedroom and shout ‘Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway’ and then come back and call me.”
A few minutes later, the daughter calls back.
“I did it, daddy.”
“Well, what happened?”
“Mommy got scared, started running around, tripped and hit her head, and now she isn’t moving.”
“Oh my god. And what about uncle Jake?
“He too got scared, jumped out of the window into the swimming pool, but he forgot you took out the water last week and now he isn’t moving as well.”
“Wait a minute, my house doesn’t have a swimming pool. Wait, is this 351-7381?”
-- Funny Joke ‣ Farmer A Old Lady--
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’
The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would Walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’
The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’ ‘Why, thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says, ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’ The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.
How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’
The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.’
