The wife is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
The husband wanders in, still in his pyjamas.
She turns to him and says, “I need you to make love to me this very minute.”
His eyes light up and he thinks, “This is my lucky day.”
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she just says “Thanks,” and returns to the kitchen stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asks, “What was that all about?”
She explains, “Well, the egg timer is broke.”
--This Accident God’s Wish --
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
“So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued,
“And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break.”
“Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
