Grandma funnies

The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy. The second brother married a woman from Dallas, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean, the laundry done, and have food ready on the table.” On the first day he didn’t see any changes, and not on the second day either, but on the third day it was as he had asked. The third brother married a woman from Detroit, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean, the laundry done, and have food ready on the table.” On the first day he didn’t see anything, and not on the second or third day either. On the fourth day he could see a little bit with his left eye, and had just enough mobility in his right hand to make himself a sandwich. --A Woman Decided To Have Her Portrait Painted-- A woman ...

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The little silver-haired lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster” Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh. “Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.” --An Irish Daughter Returned Home After 5 Years -- An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father c...

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?” The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. The guy asks, “What’s up with these clocks?” St. Peter explains, “Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged.” The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that? St. Peter explains, “Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock.” This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling....

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said,… “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.” “She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stuck.” His friend said, “I have an idea! Why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great s'e'x, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled.” Adam decided to take his friend’s advice. The next day at the bar his friend said, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?” “Yes, I did,” said Adam. His friend replied, “Well, did she like it?” “Oh yes!” said Adam. “She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling,…” “I’ll be back in an hour!” --The Wife Bought A New Nighty -- The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, “You look so beautiful and sexy my darling.” The wife says, “I know that, I trie...

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing busi...

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauz The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandere...

Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says, “Well, I’ve seen a tool.” So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, “I’ve held a tool,” so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. The 4th nun replies, “Well, I need to gargle it before she sits in it.” --A brunette goes into a doctor’s office -- A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?” She says, “No, I dyed my hair. I’m naturally blonde.” “I thought so,” he says. “Y...

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.” --John was talking to his fiance-- John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca. He said, “Be honest now, baby, how am I as a lover?” To which she replied, “Honey, I would definitely say that you’re warm.” “Really?” he asked excitedly. “Yes, in fact I would say that you’re the dictionary definition of the word ‘warm.’” John was pleased until he went home and just for fun, checked his diction...

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.” The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.” The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, “Say, what do you call your husband?” She frowned and said, “The postman.” “Why the postman?” “Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.” --A farmer and his wife were laying-- A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s melons a little feel and says, “Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, “Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.” His wife then reaches over and grabs his weapon. “Father, if this could stay hard, ...

Two women are on a girls’ night out, both of them married, loyal and exemplary wives. This night they have had one too many Bacardi Breezers and are unsteadily walking home. On the way they suddenly realize that they really have to pee, and lacking any proper facilities, they decide to sneak into a graveyard. The first woman realizes that she has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and then throws it away. Her friend, however, is wearing expensive lingerie and doesn’t want to resort to such methods. Instead, next to a grave she finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. Having finished, they both walk home, tipsy but happy. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “You’ll never believe this! My wife came home last night not wearing any panties!” “That’s nothing,” says the other man, “My wife came home with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said,”… “From all of us at the Fire Station, we’ll never forget y...

An elderly, faithful man died and went to heaven. When he arrived, God said, “Welcome John! You’re wife has been waiting for you!” Bursting in tears of joy, John started to run around, looking for her frantically. God said, “Not so fast! We have a little gift for you!” John inquired, “What is it?” God said, “Turn around.” Behind John was a sexy, gleaming Lamborghini! John exclaimed, “Is this for me?” God said, “Of course it is! It’s a gift for how faithful you were to your wife! The more faithful you are to your partner, the better car you get!” John said, “Thanks so much! I’m going to go look for her! Thanks again!” John searches for hours and hours, but still couldn’t find her, so he decided to sleep on it and try again tomorrow. John was driving around the next day, and saw a woman that looked a lot similar to his wife. In fact, it was! But instead of running up to her, he started crying and drove away to God. When John approached God, God asked, “Why are you crying? Di...

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. “I’ve never been better,” he replies. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he’s walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him? He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM The beaver drops dead in front of him.” “That’s impossible!” said the old man in disbelief, “Someone else must have shot that beaver.” --Wife play a game for husband’s full month’s salary -- Wife: “Honey let’s play a game?” Husband: “Ok, what is the game all about?” Wife: “If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of...

An old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. He then unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking: “That poor old couple — all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.” As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine — they were used to sharing everything. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Aga...

A wealthy man and his wife are going to a function, so they decide to give the butler the night off. However, a couple of hours later the wife was bored, so she leaves the party and goes home, only to find the butler sitting alone at the table. She orders the butler upstairs to her bedroom, where she locks the door. “Jeeves,” she commands, “take off my hat.” Jeeves promptly obeys. “Now, Jeeves,” she says, “take off my dress.” He obeys. “Now, Jeeves, please remove my underwear.” Breaking into a nervous sweat, Jeeves complies. “Now Jeeves,” the wife says, “if I should ever catch you wearing my clothes again…” --Magic of Words, A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet -- A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, t...

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, Because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected ‘knock’ on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action… They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Wally. Again he is ready for more ‘action.’ Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more frantic coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it….. Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action.’ And,...

Suddenly, the captain announces over the public address system, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to say that I have some bad news. Our engines are malfunctioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.” Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds. Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?” “Oh no! I’m sorry I forgot to send the check,” she says. “One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks. “Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife “I didn’t send that one, either.” The husband grabs her and gives ...

A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big parts and wore mini-skirts. Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the restaurant had no steps and had a toilet for the disabled. Ten years later, at age 80, ...

An old lady wanted to give her grandson ten dollars as a Christmas present. So she went to her local bank to make a withdrawal. The old lady handed her bankcard to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10.” The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.” The old lady wanted to know why. The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you.” The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “You have $300,000 in your account, but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?” The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller...

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just d!€d recently.” “I’m very sorry,” replied the young man,“is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Goodbye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure,” answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out,“Goodbye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” He asked,“I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk…. --An older couple is lying in bed-- An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just aw...

Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal. The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland. After a little while the Victorian woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.” The lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?” The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?” The first woman went on, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.” Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?” The first woman then asked, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?” “My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Mount Isa la...

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.” Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her underclothes and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your underclothes,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!” --A husband asks his wife-- A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry afte...

A young man and woman got married. At the time of their marriage, the husband noticed his wife carried a decently sized metal box and shoved it up at the top of their closet. Curious as he was, the wife told him to never to look in it no matter what the circumstances. Over the years, he saw that metal box in the closet, but never peered into it for the sake of his wife. One day, though, the wife had a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. As the husband sat grieving at home, he thought of the box, snatched it up, and sped to the hospital where his wife remained with her death coming soon. The husband bolted to her hospital room and pleaded and begged her to allow him to open the box by her side. “Well” she said, “I suppose now would be the right time.” The husband unlatched the hook and peered inside. On one side sat two crocheted dolls, and on the other, to his surprise, sat one million dollars! “Honey, before we got married, my mother gave me this box and told me ...

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?” She asks, “What?” “S'e'x!” he replies. Mildred exclaims, “Why you old fa'rt. You couldn’t get it up if I held a g'u'n to your head!” “I know,” Harold says, “but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.” “Well, I can oblige,” says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterwards, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood. Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred...

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. “Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.” said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and – abracadabra! – two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands. Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.” The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish… So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! – the husband became 92 years old. -- A man walks in his room after work-- A man walks...

A woman starts dating a doctor. She eventually becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.” “Do you think it will work?” she asks. “It’s worth a try,” he says. The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation, he goes to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.” “What happened?” asks the priest. “You gave birth to a child!” “But that’s impossible!” says the priest. ”I just did the operation,” insists the doctor. “It’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.” About 15 years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The ...

Daughter’s text to Dad: Daddy, I’m coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook ready. LOU As you know, I’m in Australia and he’s in the US. We met on a dating site, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype and now we’ve had a 2 month relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding. Lots of love, Lilly. Dad’s reply: My dear Lilly, Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever… I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, register for your stuff on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on Ebay. Lots of love, Dad. --When people make you feel unwanted-- When people make you feel unwanted, don’t leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won’t. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not – won’t. Love is wo...

Elsa, a 97 year old midwife, finally passed away after a long and happy life. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter was standing there waiting for her. He said, “Welcome, Elsa. Do you have a last wish before you enter paradise?” “I do,” Elsa replied “I would like to return to Earth for a few minutes and for once in my life witness a birth where the father is the one who has to endure the pain of having a baby.” St Peter thought this was a reasonable request, so Elsa was sent back to Earth for a short while. She found herself standing in the home of a woman who was just having a baby. While giving birth, the mother seemed to be in no pain whatsoever. The midwife was curious to see how her husband was doing, but was surprised to see him calmly sitting on a chair by an open window, smoking his pipe. “How are you feeling? Aren’t you in pain?” the midwife asked him. “Oh no, I’m feeling great,” the husband replied “But I think we have to call for an ambulance. Our...

Her Daughter Is Pregnant But She bid Not Sleep With Anyone.How ? The doctor says, `’Okay, what seems to be the problem?” The mother says, my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Suzie is pregnant. About U months would be my guess. ”The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Suzie? ”Suzie says, No mom! I’ve never even kissed a man! The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out of it.A few moments later, the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor? ”The doctor replies, “No, not really. It’s just that the last time something like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss it this time! -- A wedding anniversary gift-- A rich man and...

An old man is 85-year old and insists on taking his wife’s hand everywhere they go. When a man asked him why his wife kept looking away, he responded, “Because she has Alzheimer’s.” the old man said Then the man proceeded to ask him, will your wife worry if you let her go? He then replied, “She doesn’t remember anything, she doesn’t know who I am anymore, she hasn’t recognized me for years.” Surprised, the old man said, “And you have continued to guide her every single day even though she doesn’t recognize you?” The elderly man smiled and looked into the man’s eyes and said, “She may not know who I am, but I know who she is, and she is the love of my life.”… -- Funny Story: A man was working at the post office. POSTED INJOKES-- One day, a letter came with no address. It was addressed to God. He decided he would open it to see what it said. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 80-year-old widow, and I earn a very small pension. My purse got stolen yesterday. It h...

There once was a little girl who could not control her bad temper. So, her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails she hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally, the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and her mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone. The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, “You have done well, my girl, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in a...

Tips from Grandma- Don’t go where you’re not invited. Don’t talk about what you don’t know. Don’t open the fridge in other people’s house. Don’t call someone after nine o’clock at night. Don’t visit someone at lunch. Don’t enter other people’s bedroom without permission.Always flush the toilet when you use it.- Always, always ~ speak the truth.- Please Thank You are good words ~ use them often.- Love the soul of people, not their physical ~ it is what is inside that matters.- >Be kind to your fellow humans all living things.- Give from the little you have, expect nothing in return.- Be conscious of your words ~ they matter!- Wake up be grateful.- Pray daily, because prayer brings peace to our heart soul … --Typical Blonde-- She explained to her husband that the devil made her buy the sexy dress A pastor was enraged when he found a bill for a $250 dress in his wife’s purse. “How could you do this?” the pastor cried. “You know we’re on an incredibly tight budget!” “I k...