A guy dies and goes to heaven.
It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?”
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks.
The guy asks, “What’s up with these clocks?”
St. Peter explains, “Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth.
When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged.”
The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others.
He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, “Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock.”
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling.
On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate.
So he asks, “What’s the story with that clock?”
“Oh, that,” St. Peter replies, “That’s President Clinton’s clock. We decided to use it as a fan.”
--An Elderly Lady From A Remote Little Town--
An elderly lady from a remote little town went to one of Philadelphia’s most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband.
Nearby was a very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll.
Upon her return, the young niece asked,
“Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?”
“Oh, yes, indeed,” said Auntie, beaming.
“Before I had walked very far,” she continued,
“I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too.”
“Oh, by the way,” she added, as she held out her hands,
“I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they’re for.”
