A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a new.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services.
He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him!But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer.
This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”
--A man wakes up home--
A man wakes up home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order.
So’s the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table : Honey, Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
Love you.
He goes to the kitchen.
Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him.
His son is also at the table, eating.
The man asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door.”
Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything in order and also clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh that ! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
“LADY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME ! I’M MARRIED !'”
