An old lady is turning 100
She is in great health for her age and regularly walks to the market, post office and the bank with no problems.
Since she is living in a small town it is a big deal for the town.
On her birthday she is visited by the mayor who presents her with a badge honouring her as the oldest person in the town.
There is also the local TV station doing a report for the evening news about her.
The reporter asks her:
– What is your secret for a long and healthy life?
– It’s simple, – she says – never have I in my entire life argued with another person.
– That is impossible! – the reporter says.
– You’re right. – says the old lady.
--80 Year Old Lady Goes For A Birthday Drink--
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
“I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today…”
The bartender says,
“Well since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
“I would like to buy you a drink, too.”
The old woman says,
“Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”
“Coming up,” says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says,
“I would like to buy you one, too.”
The old woman says,
“Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”
“Coming right up,” the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says,
“Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”
The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor.
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”
