A tad naughty - Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mary, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Paddy turns to Mary and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"Sex." he replies.
Mary exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," says Paddy, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mary, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mary would hold Paddy's thingie.
Then one night Paddy didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mary decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Paddy's's little pal!
Furious, Mary yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
--Cops Stop An Old Lady Carrying A Bag Full Of Cash. Her Explanation Is Pure Gold--
Having a bad day? Well, there’s no better treatment for a bad day than having a good laugh.
In the following story, you’ll hear about an old lady that was stopped by a police officer because she was carrying around a lot of cash.
When the police officer questions where she received all this money from, the old lady responds with a story that had me laughing out loud…
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Not everybody pays.”
