IF I DIED...

-

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”

“Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last along time, so I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

“Oh, no,” the husband replies.

"She's left-handed!"

--SING IT GIRLS!!! At first i was afraid--

SING IT GIRLS!!! At first i was afraid , i was petrified! when u said u had 10 inches, lord i almost died!but id spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long, that i grew strong and knew that i could take u on...

But there u are ,another lie, I was ready for a Big mac and u brought me a french fry! I should have known that it was bullshit , a sad pathetic dream! should have known there was no anaconda lurking in ur jeans!

Go on now - go - walk out the door dont u promise me 10 inches and then turn up with 4 .. weren't u a prat to think i wouldnt find out ?

Dont u no were only joking when we say size dont count?

I will survive as long as i have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex i will survive i will survive HEY HEY !!

Popular posts from this blog

The Bride Who Knew More Than She Shoul

-
Image
From the start, I knew this wedding would be the perfect backdrop to reveal a secret. Greg thought he had it all figured out, yet he didn’t know, I was the one holding the detonator. My wedding with Greg looked like something straight out of a fairytale. Greg stood at the altar, beaming. To him, it marked the beginning of our perfect life. But to me, it was the end of a beautiful lie. The reception played out like a dream—champagne toasts, laughter floating across the lawn, his parents acting like the perfect in-laws. And me? I played my part to perfection. For illustrative purpose only Smiling, even dancing with Greg as if everything were fine. But inside, I was just waiting for the right moment to drop the bomb. When the night wore on, Greg grew more eager for our wedding night. His hands lingered too long, his eyes shined with anticipation. But I was focused on my own plan. After the guests left and his parents retreated to the guest rooms downstairs, Greg led me to t...
Read more >

my MIL and Husband’s Sisters weren’t ready

-
Image
My husband’s family didn’t know I’d concealed something special among those chocolate bunnies when they hired me as their Easter maid. What occurred next still makes me laugh. I’ve never posted my dirty laundry online. Really, I’m not. The Easter event was too lovely not to share. I’m Emma, 35, a marketing director for a mid-sized company, and married to Carter for three great years. Carter fulfills all my needs. He’s kind, witty, and can load a dishwasher. Our relationship has been nearly perfect except for one major concern. HIS FAMILY. “Emma, honey, could you grab me another mimosa while you’re up?” I’d barely taken two steps toward the kitchen when my mother-in-law Patricia’s voice floated over our rear patio last month. She’d been sitting in her comfy lounge chair for nearly an hour. I don’t gripe about everything. Social media isn’t where I vent or publish passive-aggressive status updates. Carter’s mother and sisters, Sophia, Melissa, and Hailey, are exceptional. By excep...
Read more >

My Husband At Our Daughter’s Graduation

-
Image
Over the stadium, the sun was shining brightly in the afternoon, giving a pleasant warmth over the multitude of people sitting in folding chairs. The atmosphere was filled with the loud hum of talk, which was broken up by bursts of applause as graduates dressed in blue gowns made their way across the platform one by one. During the time that we were waiting for our daughter to be named, I sat with my husband, Martin, on my right, and our closest friends on my left. This was supposed to be one of those days that only comes around once in a lifetime. For weeks, I had been planning for it, which included assisting Ava in selecting a white dress to wear underneath the gown, purchasing flowers, and organizing dinner reservations for a little party that would take place after the event. When I thought about it, I anticipated that we would take pictures of our family, laugh over memories from her school years, and possibly even shed a few tears of joy. Instead, I sensed a tightness and u...
Read more >