I was passing by my son’s bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, ‘Dad’. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…
Dear Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion, dad.
She’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.
We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I’m over at Jason’s house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!
--Little Girl Asks Awkward Question To Her Parents--
There is this girl, she is five.
She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend she says,
“you mother f*ck!ng @$$h0le!”
Just then jill, that’s the little girl, interrupts them talking and blurts out,
“Big Sis,what does @$$hole mean?
The girl surprised by the question,says, BOYFRIEND!
Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.
Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!
THE dad says “Shit!”
So the girl ask her dad “What does shit mean?”
And he stammers “Shaving cream”.
So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.
Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says “F*ck!”.
So Jill ask “What does f*ck mean momma?”
And scrambling for an answer, her mom says “cutting.”
All of the sudden, they hear the door.
Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.
He ask “Sweetie, do you know where everyone is at?”
And she says,
“Well, my sister’s talking to her @$$h0le, my Moms f*cking the turkey and my Dads wiping the shit off his face.”
