One night, this guy is invited out for a night with the guys.
He promised his live-in girlfriend that he would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down smooth, and before he knew it, it was 2:30 a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he headed for home.
Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized that she’d probably wake up, so he was quite proud of himself when he thought to cuckoo nine more times.
Even in his drunken haze, he fell asleep smiling about how he had escaped a possible conflict.
The next morning, his girlfriend asked him what time he got in, and he replied, “Twelve.” She didn’t seem disturbed at all, which made the guy feel even better.
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
“Why is that?” he asked.
“Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, said “Oh, crap,” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.”
--Funny Joke ‣ Strike It Rich --
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.
During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.
“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eyes, “I don’t think you love me.”
“Why do you think that?” he asks.
“Because if you really loved me, you would ensure that if anything happened to you, God forbid, I would be properly provided for.”
“Sarah,” he says angrily, “I need life insurance like I need a hole in the head.”
“I know your views,” says Sarah, “but I’ve spoken to two of my friends recently and they tell me that their husbands have life insurance — and they’re not as rich as you. If it’s good enough for them, why isn’t it good enough for you?”
“I’ll tell you why,” replies Abe. “It’s because they’ve been paying high premiums month after month, and what have they got so far in return? Nothing!”
“So what if their husbands have been paying for nothing?” says Sarah.
You’ve always told me I’m luckier than my friends — who knows, maybe this time I’ll strike it rich.”
