A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering
a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas…
She opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior’s bed, the nun held the glass to her lips.
Mother drank a little….
Then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest,
“please give us some wisdom before you die.”
She raised herself up in bed and whispered, “Don’t sell that cow
--A man escapes from prison after 15 years--
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants to do something with you, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k'ill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was g*y, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!”
