in a court trial in a small town in Nebraska…
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.
He walked up to her and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?”
She answered, “Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I’ve known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you’re a disappointment. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk behind their backs.
You think you’re some kind of big shot, but if you had half a brain you’d realize that you’ll never amount to anything but a mediocre pencil-pusher. Oh, I know who you are all right.”
The prosecutor had his jaw on the floor. Shocked and looking to deflect the attention, he pointed across the room and asked: “Mrs. Williams… do you know who the defense attorney is?”
She replied, “Of course I do. I’ve known Mr. Carbuncle ever since he was a child. He’s a lazy bigot who has a problem with alcohol abuse.
He is unable to maintain a normal relationship with anyone, and is one of the worst lawyers in the county. On top of that, he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of which was your wife. Yes, I know exactly who he is.”
The defense attorney looked like he was about to have a stroke.
The judge ordered the prosecutor and the defense attorney to approach, and whispered to them in a low but frantic voice,
“If any of you brats ask her if she knows who I am, then I’ll put both of you behind bars for life!”
--Funny Joke ‣ Birthday Gift--
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said,
“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”
So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”
“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling — I’ll see you in two hours!”
