Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.
When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You've got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don't care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him, “I'll take it.”
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“How did you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better.”
The manager was impressed
“No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”
“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.
“How'd you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.
“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,' and after that he sat up all night watching me…”
-- Ray came home one night--
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ray.’
Ray was stunned ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for send me back!’
St. Peter said, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’
Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past ‘so, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’
‘Not bad,’ replied Ray the hen, ‘but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m gonna explode!’
‘You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?’
‘Never,’ said Ray.
‘Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster It’s no big deal.
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.
He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.
“Ray, wake up! You shit on the bed!
