Elsa, a 97-year-old midwife, finally passed away after a long and happy life.
When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was standing there waiting for her.
He said, “Welcome, Elsa. Do you have a last wish before you enter paradise?”
“I do,” Elsa replied.
“I would like to return to Earth for a few minutes and for once in my life witness a birth where the father is the one who has to endure the pain of having a baby.”
St. Peter thought this was a reasonable request, so Elsa was sent back to Earth for a short while.
She found herself standing in the home of a woman who was just having a baby.
While giving birth, the mother seemed to be in no pain whatsoever.
The midwife was curious to see how her husband was doing but was surprised to see him calmly sitting on a chair by an open window, smoking his pipe.
“How are you feeling? Aren’t you in pain?” the midwife asked him.
“Oh no, I’m feeling great,” the husband replied.
“But I think we have to call for an ambulance. Our neighbor John is lying out there on the lawn screaming his head off!”
--
It's A Guy's First Day In Prison--
It’s a guy’s first day in prison and he’s not taking to it very well.
He’s off in the corner with that thousand-yard stare, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.
An old-timer takes pity on him and walks over.
“How ya’ doin’, Kid? Having a rough time I see.”
“Yeah, well- look around. I’m in prison.”
“Awww, shit! You’ve seen too many movies! It really ain’t so bad in here- take it from me.”
“How can you say that?!? What could possibly be good in a place like this?”
“Well, lemme ask you- you like baseball?”
“Of course! Who doesn’t?”
“Well every Monday night is Baseball Night! We all get to play! It’s a lotta fun!”
“Huh! How about that!”
“Yeah! And Tuesday is Movie Night! We all get popcorn and sodas too! It’s a hoot!”
“Wow! How about Wednesdays?”
“You like Italian food?”
“Are you kidding? I LOVE Italian food! Are you telling me–“
“Italian Food night. Yeah! We feast like there’s no tomorrow!”
“Holy cow! This is great!”
“You betcha!
“Tell me about Thursdays!”
“Oh, fugget aboud it! Thursday’s are off the hook up in here!”
“What? Tell me!!!” (He’s all excited now!)
“Well, every Thursday, we all get together and…”
“And what?!?”
“And… Well, Kid, the thing is, I just met you, so…”
“So what?”
“Well, I, uh… I gotta ask you: You wouldn’t happen to be one of those, you know, homo-sexuals, would’ya’?”
“Me? God, no! I’m straight as an arrow!”
“Oh… Well, in that case, you are REALLY gonna hate Thursdays!”
