A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch.
It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
--Two Elderly Man Having A Few Beers--
Paddy and Mick were having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the stainless steel, still deep in conversation:
But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed.
“I say, ‘tis a remarkable dong you have there.” Paddy was prompted to remark.
“Wasn’t always that way.” Replied Mick. “Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days.” He said.
“I got this done in Dublin. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it.”
Paddy was envious.
In fact, he packed his bag that night and drove to Dublin.
It was a good six months later before he ran into Mick once again and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.
“You were diddled. I got mine for ten thousand euros only.” Said Paddy.
Mick could hardly believe it. Same address in Dublin, same doctor.
Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look.
Once more they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared and he started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?”
“No wonder you got it at half price.” Mick laughed.
“That’s my old one!”
