A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really looking rough.
The doc says, “What happened?”
The woman replies, “Every time my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he b'ea'ts me when he gets home.”
The doc thinks for a minute and says, “I have a remedy for that.
The next time your husband comes home drunk on beer just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed.”
The woman goes home.
Two weeks later she returns to her doctor.
The doc says, “You look great, did you try my advice?”
The woman replies, “Yes i did, but how did you know it would work?”
He tells her “See what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?
--A older couple were lying in bed--
An older couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To get my teeth!”
--A woman at the Welfare Office--
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid.
The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?” he asked.
“LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered.
“They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘LeRoy,’ and they all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘LeRoy, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name!”
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