A young man tells his Mom he’s gay
A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family.
He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll answer any questions, that sort of thing.
He's pretty sure she'll be accepting, but he wants to be prepared. He arrives home, there are plenty of hugs, a nice dinner, and a good nights sleep. The next morning he joins his Mom in the kitchen as she gets the holiday feast ready.
He's sitting at the kitchen table, she's stirring this, and checking that.
It reminds him of holidays when he was young.
Finally, he works up his courage and says "Mom, I have something to tell you." She replies sweetly "What's that dear?"
He’s still a bit nervous, but says "Mom, I'm gay."
She finishes stirring one of the pots, turns to him with her arms crossed, and asks "That means you put other men's penises in your mouth, doesn't it?" He's caught completely off guard.
None of his planned scenarios even remotely came close to that question.
He stammers, and simply says "Yes, it does." She then reaches out and bonks him on the head with the spoon, points it at him and says "Then don't you ever let me hear you complain about my cooking again."
turns and continues with the preparations for the day.
--Little Johnny and Baseball--
Once a man having an affair unexpectedly finds the husband returning earlier than expected, He ends up hiding in the closet, where, unfortunately for him, little Johnny is also hiding.
Johnny: “Dark in here.”
“Yes it is.”
“I have a baseball.”
“That’s nice.”
“Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“My dad’s outside.”
“OK, how much?”
“$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that little Johnny and his mom’s
lover are in the closet together.
“Dark in here.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball glove.”
“How much?”
“$750.”
“Fine.”
A few days later, Johnny's father says to him, “Grab your bat and your glove. Let’s go outside and play some baseball.”
"I can’t. I sold them.”
His father is stunned. “What? How did you sell them?”
Johnny replies, “Sold them to my friend for $1,000.”
His father is frustrated. “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost.
I will have to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and his father alerts the priest, and makes the
little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
“Dark in here.”
“Don’t start that shit again”
