An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her monthlies for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says ‘who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later an AMG Mercedes stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Mercedes and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them:
Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation.
I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take responsibility for my actions
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.’
Finally, for causing such social embarrassment and distress to you both I would like to offer $1,000,000 in compensation, my private yacht, and Gold Coast penthouse to be at your disposal at any time.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent the entire time, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him…
“You root her again.”
--A man goes to a restaurant and orders--
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, “Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake.
You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house.
I’m afraid I’ll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!”
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man’s table and says ...
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man’s table and says, “Listen and listen good.
That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I’ll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I’ll do the same to you.
You pull out one of its legs, I’ll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I’ll break one of your arms!”
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird’s rectum, pulls it out and licks it.
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, “Go ahead!”
