Grandpa Joe was being taken by his grandchildren to his new nursing home.
They took him in on his wheelchair.
A young nurse met them.
“Welcome to our nursing home Let me show you around”
She said in a friendly tone as she took the wheelchair.
She wheeled him into a large room full of sofas, with a big TV screen.
“This is the lounge. You can relax and-“
Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side.
The dutiful nurse quickly caught hold of him and gently sat him up.
Then she wheeled him to a room with tables and chairs, where some elderly residents were enjoying lunch.
“This is the dining room. The food is really -“
Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side. Unfazed, the nurse caught hold of him and sat him up.
Finally, she wheeled him over to a small room with a comfortable-looking bed.
“This is where you’ll be sleeping. There is an en-suite bath-“
Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped over to one side.
The nurse patiently caught hold of him and once again sat him up.
After the tour, the grandchildren rushed over to Joe.
“What do you think? Isn’t it lovely? That nurse seems sweet?”
Grandpa Joe looked grumpy.
“Well the place seems alright and the staff are nice. But why the hell won’t they let me fart in peace?”
--A Husband And Wife Get Up On Sunday Morning--
A husband and wife get up on Sunday morning.
After breakfast, the wife notices that her husband isn’t dressed for church.
“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”
“Simple. I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why I’m not going.
First of all, the church is cold in the morning.
It’s just cold. Second, no one there likes me.
Everyone is always talking about me behind my back.
And third, most important of all, I just don’t feel like going!”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why you ARE going.
First of all, the church isn’t cold in the morning; it’s warm.
Second, I think, or I’m pretty sure, that there are some people there who do like you, and third you’re the minister, so get dressed.”
