A butcher is in his shop busily serving customers when all of a sudden he notices a dog.
He shoos him away, but later he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it reads:
“I need 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth as well.”
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, he finds the money for the order there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth
The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street when he comes to an intersection.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button for the walk signal. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn.
They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage.
The dog checks out the times and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat.
Another bus comes, again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus and climbs on.
The butcher, now open-mouthed in shock, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually, he gets up and moves to the front of the bus.
He stands on two back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door.
He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and throws himself against it again.
There’s no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to an open window, barks several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, yelling at him and swearing at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What in the world are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heaven’s sake!”
To which the guy responds:
“Clever?! This is the second time this week that he’s forgotten his key.”
--It’s a guy’s first day in prison and he’s not taking to it very well--
He’s off in the corner with that thousand-yard stare, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.
An old-timer takes pity on him and walks over.
“How ya’ doin’, Kid? Having a rough time I see.”
“Yeah, well- look around. I’m in prison.”
“Awww, shit! You’ve seen too many movies! It really ain’t so bad in here- take it from me.”
“How can you say that?!? What could possibly be good in a place like this?”
“Well, lemme ask you- you like baseball?”
“Of course! Who doesn’t?”
“Well every Monday night is Baseball Night! We all get to play! It’s a lotta fun!”
“Huh! How about that!”
“Yeah! And Tuesday is Movie Night! We all get popcorn and sodas too! It’s a hoot!”
“Wow! How about Wednesdays?”
“You like Italian food?”
“Are you kidding? I LOVE Italian food! Are you telling me–“
“Italian Food night. Yeah! We feast like there’s no tomorrow!”
“Holy cow! This is great!”
“You betcha!
“Tell me about Thursdays!”
“Oh, fugget aboud it! Thursday’s are off the hook up in here!”
“What? Tell me!!!” (He’s all excited now!)
“Well, every Thursday, we all get together and…”
“And what?!?”
“And… Well, Kid, the thing is, I just met you, so…”
“So what?”
“Well, I, uh… I gotta ask you: You wouldn’t happen to be one of those, you know, homo-sexuals, would’ya’?”
“Me? God, no! I’m straight as an arrow!”
“Oh… Well, in that case, you are REALLY gonna hate Thursdays!”Click to read next joke
