DAD! Please don't be mad at me but I am pregnant!
Little David is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.
The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really need is a bit more money.
My dad leaves for work before I am even awake and he works hard until late at night to put food on the table. Money is needed in my family, more time with my dad is needed."
The teacher is moved, she thanks the student and moves on to the next, a little boy stands up and says "all we are missing in my family is my older brother.
He wen't off to fight in the war a year ago and nobody has heard from him since. My mom always waits for him by the window. My brother is desperately needed back in our family."
The teacher is now tearing up, she thanks the little boy and moves on to the next student, eventually making their way around the classroom with one heartfelt response after another.
Finally they come to the last student, Little David.
The teacher has come to expect antics from him but gives him a chance.
"Little David, what about you... what is something needed by your family?" Little David stands up briefly and says "nothing, we have everything" and sits back down.
The teacher, slightly upset, asks "Now how is that possible? Each of your classmates have shared something, how can you be so sure that your family doesn't need a thing?"
Little David stands back up and says "well I was watching TV with my parents late last night when my sister came home crying.
She said DAD! Please don't be mad at me but I am pregnant! My dad disappointingly slapped his knee and said "Damn it! That's all we needed!"
--Teen drinking story--
As a teen I stayed over a friend's house one weekend.
We thought we were far to young and clever to get caught raiding the liquor cabinet.
I made a bit of a distraction asking for food while he opened the cabinet and grabbed the biggest bottle.
We got snuck the bottle back to his room.
We each had a couple pulls and were asking each other if we were feeling anything yet, when is dad walked in yelling.
He grabbed the bottle and kept yelling, then midsentence he does a double take at the bottle and starts laughing uncontrollably.
My friends mom came to investigate and he simply showed her the bottle and she started laughing too.
We stole a bottle of nonalcoholic strawberry daiquiri mix.
