My parents never really got along as I grew up, and even as a kid I kinda knew my parents didn't love each other.
One day when I was 10, my mom finally packed up and left while my dad was at work. Except she entirely gutted the house; furniture, clothes, dishes, silverware, electronics, everything, packed into the back of a U-Haul and drove off and left me.
I remember crying and screaming and clinging onto to her leg to not go, or at least take me with her.
Anyway, I called my dad and told him what happened. He couldn't leave work early, but said he'd be home as soon as possible and to lock all the doors and windows and stay safe inside.
I have no idea why, but I remembered these panini-type sandwiches my dad made all the time for me, and decided to make one for him.
I think I just needed something to do. So I made him a sandwich, put it on one of the paper plates I found, as my mom had taken all the other dishes, and sat on the front stoop and waited for him.
I kinda just stared at it, and ended up sitting out there for about four hours. When my dad got home, he was shocked to see the house gutted. I kinda just held up the plate to him and said "I made this for you," and he took it, sat next to me, and ate it with me. I could tell he was trying his hardest not to cry in front of me, so I pretended not to notice him tearing up.
5 years later, my dad still talks about that day. He talks about how my small gesture was the silver lining on one of the worst days of his life.
He says I saved his life.
--Laugh of the day: I saw the light..--
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas were both 102 years old. They had been married 74 years. The local television station sent a news crew out to interview them.
"What we need to do," the reporter explained, "is to interview you separately.
It just seems to make for a better write-up, when we do it that way. So, if you don't mind waiting, Mrs. Thomas, we'll go out on the porch with your husband and visit with him for a few moments first."
After they were settled on the porch, the reporter began his interview.
"Mr. Thomas, I know you get tired of people asking you this, but what do you think is the cause of your longevity?"
"Well..." Mr. Thomas drawled thoughtfully.
"I get up early every morning. I eat pretty good, you know, garden food and such....and...oh, yeah! God talks to me!"
The reporter stared up at him to see if he was kidding. "You mean God actually talks to you?"
"Yep," the old-timer replied sincerely. "We're pretty close. In fact, when I have to get up and go to the bathroom during the night, God even turns the light on for me."
The reporter quickly excused himself and went in search of Mrs. Thomas.
"I don't mean anything unkind by this, Ma'am, but is Mr. Thomas okay... mentally, I mean?"
"Why?" she asks curiously.
"Well, he says that when he goes to the bathroom at night, God turns on the light for him," the reporter explained.
"Oh, damn!" Mrs. Thomas said, irritably. "Has that old fart been pissin' in the refrigerator again.”Click to read next joke
