My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy.
I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, that’s the last thing I need.
The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.
One hundred years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh how the stables have turned.
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There’s something I must confess." "Shhh," I said, "There’s nothing to confess. Everything is alright." "No, I must die in peace," he said.
"I had sex with your sister, your best friend, and your co-worker." "I know,” I whispered, "That’s why I poisoned you… Now close your eyes.”
Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market? It was a Big McSteak.
-- A boy and his Grandpa are out looking for nightcrawlers in their backyard to go fishing--
When the boy pulls out a huge nightcrawler and exclaims to his Grandpa " Grandpa, look at this ONE!"
His Grandpa says "That's quite the big nightcrawler you got there. Hey, bet ya 5 bucks you can't get that nightcrawler back in it's hole."
The little boy says "Deal!". Then runs inside the house and into his grandparents bathroom, lays the nightcrawler on the countertop and grabs his Grandma's hairspray and hairdryer.
Then begins to spray the worm with hairspray and dry it with the dryer. Pretty soon the nightcrawler is so stiff and rigid that it is rock solid.
The boy runs back outside to his Grandpa and shows him his handy work. "Watch Grandpa." He stick the nightcrawler back in it hole and then pulls it back out then throws into the bucket with the other worms.
His Grandpa says "Hey that's pretty smart, how'd you do that?". The boy tells him how he did it. "That's pretty goods, well a bet is a bet. Here's your 5 bucks. I think we have enough worms to go fishing tomorrow. Let's head back into the house."
They go back into the house and they boy goes to bed. The next morning, the little boy wakes up all excited to go fishing with his Grandpa.
He runs downstairs and sees his Grandpa sitting at the table eating breakfast. The boy sits down at his spot and sees 5 bucks on his placemat. "Grandpa, you already paid me for last night. What's this for?"
"Oh" says the Grandpa grabbing the 5 dollars "That's from your Grandma."Click to read next joke
