"What we need to do," the reporter explained, "is to interview you separately. It just seems to make for a better write-up, when we do it that way. So, if you don't mind waiting, Mrs. Thomas, we'll go out on the porch with your husband and visit with him for a few moments first."
After they were settled on the porch, the reporter began his interview.
"Mr. Thomas, I know you get tired of people asking you this, but what do you think is the cause of your longevity?"
"Well..." Mr. Thomas drawled thoughtfully.
"I get up early every morning. I eat pretty good, you know, garden food and such....and...oh, yeah! God talks to me!"
The reporter stared up at him to see if he was kidding. "You mean God actually talks to you?"
"Yep," the old-timer replied sincerely.
"We're pretty close. In fact, when I have to get up and go to the bathroom during the night, God even turns the light on for me."
The reporter quickly excused himself and went in search of Mrs. Thomas.
"I don't mean anything unkind by this, Ma'am, but is Mr. Thomas okay... mentally, I mean?"
"Why?" she asks curiously.
"Well, he says that when he goes to the bathroom at night, God turns on the light for him," the reporter explained.
"Oh, damn!" Mrs. Thomas said, irritably.
"Has that old fart been pissin' in the refrigerator again.”
--Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago--
A man decided to take his wife deer hunting for the first time:
After he explained the basics to his blonde wife, he told her the most important piece of information.
“Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own, so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator.” He said.
They departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer.
Minutes later he heard his blonde wife’s gun go off.
The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone.
When he got to his blonde wife she was arguing with another man who was waving his hands in the air.
The man said.
“OK, fine lady you can have your deer but do you mind if I get my saddle off before you take it away?”
