While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?
Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it’s your hands.”
“Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?” said Sister.
Suzie replied, “Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.”
“What a wonderful answer!” the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sister, I think it’s your legs”.
Sister Bridgette looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
“Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs?”
Little Johnny said, “Well I walked into mommy and daddy’s bedroom the other night……
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, “OH GOD, I’M COMING!”.
If daddy hadn’t pinned her down, we’d have lost her!”
--A day at the races--
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman.
They got on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her bo o bs.
The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her growler. He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'.
'Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!'
