Mike was going to be married to Stephanie so his Father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said,
'Here - try these on'.'
She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
'Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Stephanie, 'Here, try these on.'
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said , 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Stephanie took off her panties and handed them to Mike.
She said, 'Here you try on mine.'
He did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'
Stephanie said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
--An Old French Man Moves To America--
An old french man moves to America and begins looking for a job
He walks into a bakery to meet with the owner.
The owner is hesitant to hire him because his English is really poor, so he decides to try and find an excuse to not hire the man.
“Okay, I’ll hire you only if you can express to me the number 9 without using numerals or letters.”
And the old man says, in his thick accent,
“In France, we have a lot of trees. So tree plus tree plus tree equals nine.”
The owner, surprised, nonchalantly says
“well, that was an easy one. Now I need you to express the number 99 with the same rules.”
The old man responds,
“In France, we have a lot of trees and sometimes you see a lot of mud on the trees. So dirty tree, plus dirty tree, plus dirty tree, equals ninety-nine.”
The owner is impressed but worries that he’s actually going to have to hire the man.
“Okay, if you can answer this last question, you’re hired. Express the number 100 using the same rules.”
The old man replies
“Well I have a doggy, and he no like dirty trees, so I take him for a walk and he goes to each of the trees and takes a tiny little sh!t right next to each one.
Dirty tree and one turd, plus dirty tree and one turd, plus dirty tree and one turd, equals a hundred. So when do I start?”
