A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"...
"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."
So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"
And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear."
"Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs.
Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole."
"Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?"
"I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her."
"Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?"
"Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently.
-- Old joke my uncle likes to tell: There’s a policeman hanging around outside a bar near closing time to catch any drunk drivers--
As the bar closes for the night, he sees a man come out who looks extremely wasted.
The man stumbles all over the place, drops his keys, and has trouble finding his car.
As the cop is watching him stumble around, all of the other patrons get in their vehicles and leave.
The man finally gets in his car and starts it and pulls out. The cop flashes his lights and pulls the man over and tells him he needs to do a field sobriety test.
The man gets out of the car and passes the test with no mistakes.
The cop gets confused and makes him go through it all again and he passes again. “What’s going on here, how are you sober?” The man looks at him and says “I’m the designated distraction”
