THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER!
Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.
I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ...
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me.
Your SISTER I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! —— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem
--A Husband and Wife of Want To Spice Up Their Stale Sex Life--
They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie.
Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a very seductive tone of voice in her ear, “What do you want me to do for you, my queen?” The wife exclaims, “I WANT YOU TO TORTURE ME! YES! I WANT IT TO HURT SO MUCH! YES! YES! PLEASE, PLEASE TORTURE ME!!!’ The husband looks at her and says “Sure thing.
I’ll be right back!” He hurriedly walks out of the bedroom into another room down the hall.
Several minutes go by and the wife soon becomes perplexed to his whereabouts. She gets up out of the bed, pokes her head out of the bedroom door, and asks ...
“Honey, wha… well, what the hell are you doing?” She then sees her husband emerge from that room walking very fast towards her.
He races back to the bedroom, grabs her by both arms, kisses her, and then very seductively tosses her on the bed.
She catches her breath, grins, and then says to him in a sexy voice, “Took you long enough. You know I still want you to torture me.”
The husband replies, “Oh… yeah, no problem. I just installed Windows 10 on your laptop.”
