So there's this little old lady who lost her husband. They had been high school sweethearts, married young, and lived together for 70 years until the day he died.
She was a housewife her whole life and never even dated anyone else, so she moved into an assisted living facility when her husband passed.
She never drank, never did drugs, never gambled, never cheated, but her one vice was smoking.
The only facility she could afford on her limited income was strictly non-smoking. She had smoked as long as she could remember, and wasn't about to stop now.
Whenever she wanted a cigarette, she would just have to go outside to smoke. Luckily there was one other resident there who also smoked, so they quickly became friends.
One day this little old lady is outside smoking a cigarette with her friend.
Suddenly it starts to rain. Her cigarette goes out, but her friend pulls something from a pocket and uses it to cover her cigarette. She's able to continue smoking without her cigarette going out.
"Well that's clever, it's like a little raincoat. What do you call it?" asked the little old lady.
"It's called a condom. I get them from the drug store."
The following day the little old lady went to the drug store. She marched right up to the counter and said, "Sir, I'd like to buy some condoms."
The tall pharmacist smiled down on her. "Well ma'am, we have many sizes and styles. Which kind would you like?"
This little old lady hadn't considered the question before. She looked puzzled for a moment before saying, "I don't really care as long as it's big enough to fit a Camel."
--An Elderly Man With A Winking Problem--
An elderly man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
“This is phenomenal.
You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.
Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…. we can’t hire you.”
“But wait,” the elderly man says.
“If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”
“Really? Great! Show me now!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of c0ndoms: red c0ndoms, blue c0ndoms, ribbed c0ndoms, flavoured c0ndoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
“Well,” said the interviewer,
“that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!”
“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”
“Well then, how do you explain all these c0ndoms?”
“Oh, that,” he sighed.
“Have you ever walked into a chemist, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
