A housewife approached her husband with an issue with the door;
"Darling can you check the shower?"
He replies, "I'm not a plumber."
She asks him about the cupboard door which has been broken and needs replacement, "Darling can you check the cupboard door? It may need to be replaced."
"I'm not a carpenter."
She asks about the issue with her car, "Can you check my car then? The oil may need a change."
"I'm not a mechanic!"
He returns home from work and she informs him, "The neighborhood handyman came by. He fixed everything up so you won't have to."
"Oh really? Did he charge anything?"
"He gave two options. I sleep with him or bake him a cake."
"Haha! So did you bake him the cake?"
The wife laughs, "I'm not a baker!"
--A woman had five dogs. Her husband was sick of all the dogs--
He went away on a business trip, but before he left he put his foot down.
No more dogs!
But the woman couldn't control herself when she saw a dog she just had to have.
"Well," she thought, "I'll just call him up and pretend I'm confessing to some infidelity or something. He'll be so relieved to find out it's not an infidelity, he won't care about dog number six."
She called him up at his hotel.
"Honey," she said, "we have to talk. Honey, you've got to forgive me, I don't want this to be the end of our marriage, but you're gone so often, and I just got lonely, and I've been working so hard, and the combination of being tired and being lonely, I mean, I just got weak, honey!
I just got weak! Really, I didn't mean to hurt you! You've got to forgive me, honey! You've got to forgive me! Please, honey, please!"
He says:
"Don't tell me you bought another fucking dog."
