Three couples are trying to join a very conservative church
After going through all of the night classes, Bible lectures, and vows, the minister says they have one final test: they must abstain from relations for one week. All of them agree and go on their way.
When they return, the minister asks them how they did.
The first couple is in their 70's. They said "No problem, we haven't done that in a while, so we're okay." "Very good," the minister said, "welcome to the church."
The second couple is in their 40's. The husband spoke, "Well, it was tough, and a couple of nights I had to sleep on the couch, but we made it." "Very good," the minister said, "welcome to the church."
The last couple is in their 20's. The wife spoke, "Well, we were doing pretty good. I had to send my husband to sleep over at his buddies house on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday I had to sleep at my mother's house. But on Saturday, well...I was up on a step ladder, and..."
"And what?" the minister demanded.
The husband spoke, "Well, she was wearing a kinda short skirt, and she was up on a stepladder, and I saw her undies, and I gave her playful slap on her behind, and that was it...we couldn't help ourselves any more, we made love right there on the floor."
"Well!" the minister huffed "you have proven unable to control your base instincts! You are not welcome in this church!"
"That's okay, I guess," he said, "We're not welcome in the hardware store any more either."
--Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club--
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note.
She called the guy back , licks the £20 note, and sticks it to his other bum cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a £50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the £50 note. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his bum cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me. Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the £50.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What was I to do? The woman in me took over... I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his bum, grabbed the eighty quid and left.
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