A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.
“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed.
“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’ll be so pissed if it’s not ready on time.”
When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg – and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf.
She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it
“Darling, this is the best dinner you’ve made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?”
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
“You’re going to k'.i'll him!” they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, “You killed him “We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
“How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?”
The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his a$s.”
--An Elderly Lady Decided To Get Her Body In Shape--
An elderly lady decided it was time to get her body in shape, once and for all.
She searched for the best aerobic classes.
Then joined an aerobics class for seniors.
She spent a whole hour jumping, twisting, gyrating, and sweating.
Unfortunately, by the time she had gotten her leotard on, the class was over!
--One Day A 12-year-old Boy Was Walking Down The Street--
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
“I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.
“No way! Get lost!” replied the boy.
“How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?” the driver asked.
“I said no way,” replied the boy.
“What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?” asked the driver.
“No, I’m not getting in the car,” answered the boy.
“Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars,” the driver offered.
“No!” replied the boy. “What will it take to get you in the car?” asked the driver.
The boy replied: “Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!”
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