Why I'm Divorced.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday,' and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.’
I thought …. well, that's marriage for you, but the kids .... they will remember.
My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for work I felt pretty low and somewhat dejected.
As I walked into my office, my hot boss, Sam, said, 'Good morning, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Sam knocked on my door and said, 'It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Sam, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two red wines each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Sam said, 'It's such a beautiful day … we don't need to go straight back to work, do we?'
I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'
She said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.
After arriving at her house, Sam turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday.'
And I just sat there ....
on the sofa ....
naked.
--A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven--
They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him “Can we get married in heaven?”
St. Peter says “Hold on, I’ll check.”
The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says “Yes, you can get married in heaven.”
The couple then asks “What about a divorce?”
St. Peter replies “I just spent 3 days finding a minister. Do you have any idea how long it’s gonna take to find a lawyer?”
