Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said.
Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, “Are you nuts? you are 73 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
Oh man, I’m in trouble again; I really don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.”
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
--An Elderly Man With A Winking Problem--
An elderly man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
“This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…. we can’t hire you.”
“But wait,” the elderly man says.
“If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”
“Really? Great! Show me now!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of c0ndoms: red c0ndoms, blue c0nd0ms, ribbed c0ndoms, flavoured c0ndoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
“Well,” said the interviewer,
“that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!”
“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”
“Well then, how do you explain all these c0ndoms?”
“Oh, that,” he sighed.
“Have you ever walked into a chemist, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
