Three Men Died On Christmas Eve

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

In honor of this holy season, Saint Peter said, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, They’re bells.

Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, And just what do those symbolize?

The man replied, They’re Carols.
--The Dog Could Hardly Hear--
The lady found out that the Dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear,

So she took it to the Veterinarian.

The Vet found that the problem was Hair in the Dog’s Ears.

He cleaned both ears, and the Dog could then hear fine.

The Vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the Dog’s Ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover.

At the register, the Pharmacist told her,

“If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

*Andrea said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The Pharmacist said,

“If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use Body Lotion for a couple of days.”

Andrea replied,

“I’m not using it on my Legs either”.

If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

The Pharmacist said,

“Well, stay off your Bicycle for at least a week”.

The Bride Who Knew More Than She Shoul

From the start, I knew this wedding would be the perfect backdrop to reveal a secret. Greg thought he had it all figured out, yet he didn’t know, I was the one holding the detonator. My wedding with Greg looked like something straight out of a fairytale. Greg stood at the altar, beaming. To him, it marked the beginning of our perfect life. But to me, it was the end of a beautiful lie. The reception played out like a dream—champagne toasts, laughter floating across the lawn, his parents acting like the perfect in-laws. And me? I played my part to perfection. For illustrative purpose only Smiling, even dancing with Greg as if everything were fine. But inside, I was just waiting for the right moment to drop the bomb. When the night wore on, Greg grew more eager for our wedding night. His hands lingered too long, his eyes shined with anticipation. But I was focused on my own plan. After the guests left and his parents retreated to the guest rooms downstairs, Greg led me to t...

my MIL and Husband’s Sisters weren’t ready

My husband’s family didn’t know I’d concealed something special among those chocolate bunnies when they hired me as their Easter maid. What occurred next still makes me laugh. I’ve never posted my dirty laundry online. Really, I’m not. The Easter event was too lovely not to share. I’m Emma, 35, a marketing director for a mid-sized company, and married to Carter for three great years. Carter fulfills all my needs. He’s kind, witty, and can load a dishwasher. Our relationship has been nearly perfect except for one major concern. HIS FAMILY. “Emma, honey, could you grab me another mimosa while you’re up?” I’d barely taken two steps toward the kitchen when my mother-in-law Patricia’s voice floated over our rear patio last month. She’d been sitting in her comfy lounge chair for nearly an hour. I don’t gripe about everything. Social media isn’t where I vent or publish passive-aggressive status updates. Carter’s mother and sisters, Sophia, Melissa, and Hailey, are exceptional. By excep...

Richard Miller’s world fell silent in 1979

Richard Miller’s existence had been reduced to silence by 1979. He was a widow at the age of thirty-four; his wife, Aipe, had passed away two years prior following a protracted illness. His residence, which was previously replete with the aspirations of children, now resounded with a sense of absence. Richard’s evenings were the most challenging: He sat at the kitchen table, gazing at the disintegrating painted paper under the yellowish light of a single bulb, while the ticking of the clock reminded him to pass the time. His acquaintances encouraged him to remarry, to begin anew, and to alleviate the emptiness. However, Richard was not inclined to initiate anew. He was obligated to fulfill the pledge Apple had made to him on the hospital bed: “Do not allow love to perish with me.” Please provide me with a destination. The promise he made motivated him to continue, as he was uncertain of the direction it would lead until his old, rainy pickup vehicle malfunctioned near...

Grandma funnies

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